Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy 2008 from Zach & his Mom (that would be me!)

As Zach and I are sitting here and counting down the last 20 minutes of 2007, we decided that we did not want to do resolutions but we would rather focus on the positive and send some good mojo out to family and friends, so we came up with some wishes for 2008 from us to alllll of you!

We wish you peace and prosperity and the time to enjoy it all!

We wish you fun and giggles and goofiness and pure joy!

We wish an end to conflicts and the strength to move forward!

We wish that dreams do come true, especially for those less fortunate than we!

We wish everyone a Snappin' and Crackin' New Year!

Watch this space!  Things are going to be happening in a GOOD way in 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are off to the USA in the morning so catch up with everyone on the other side of the pond!

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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Evening Lights along the Thames

I love twilight in England - and then the twinklies come on and it is so pretty!

Tower Bridge & the ThamesLondon Bridge & busLondon Bridge HMS Belfast in evening Hays Galleria on South Bankevening lights on south bankfake glo treeEvening Lights Tower BridgeTower Bridge & Thames in eveningTower Bridge in Evening

London Bridges not falling down

We got a late start and the lines were horrific at the Tower of London so we just ended up cruising around the area and checking out the sites - Mom and Zach are going to go EARLY tomorrow morning to the Tower....

Christmas tree in Trafalgar  SquareTower of London & Tower BridgeAll Hallows ChurchAll Hallows ChurchIce Rink in Tower moatTower of LondonMerchant Marine Memorial

Mom & Zach Tower of LondonCool clouds & Tower BridgeMom Tower BridgeMom & Zach Tower Bridge

Saturday, December 22, 2007

They are HERE!

It has been a bit of a crazy week for work and prepping to have Zach and my Mom arrive but finally THEY ARE HERE and I can get a posting up...still running a bit crazy as this weekend is all about Christmas shopping but we got and decorated our tree last night and FINALLY, it feels like Christmas!  I am so HAPPY that they are here!  So here are some shots of my munchkin and Mom and the tree and the AWESOME London Fog that finally rolled in last night but has been hanging around the city for a bit!  Today we are off to Harrod's - WOOHOO!

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Monday, December 17, 2007


I woke up off this morning.  I felt stressed and fretful and I had funky dreams that involved lots of people walking past me in corridors and saying things I could not remember later.  I looked outside and it looked normal.  I sat on the edge of the bed at 6am and my tummy hurt and I wanted to cry.  Even after coffee and a shower, I felt like something was wrong.

I just looked at the date and I finally got it.  Four years ago today my best friend committed suicide.  I took the call at about 5am that morning and I remember sitting down hard on the floor and feeling dizzy.  How could someone who was so much a part of my life be gone that fast and by her own hand?

That was a tough holiday season.  For years, Shannon was the one who had decorated the Christmas tree with me and Zach.  We would always get her a penguin to put on our tree and she always brought Zach a new stuffed penguin for under the tree.  She was a police officer and for a few years she had morning duty outside Zach's daycare where he was a total celebrity because the police officer was "his best friend".  She smuggled a huge chocolate iced coffee into me a few hours after my hysterectomy and left me a stuffed frog that sang with a red rose so when I woke up it was the first thing I saw.  We watched horror movies together (her favorite not mine) and laughed at me when I hid my eyes.  She came to dinner several nights a week and was a part of my daily routine.  I sat in the hospital for 7 hours on Christmas Eve  when Zach was a baby and when she was taken in due to an accident.  I made her laugh, hugged her and forced food when she was going through relationship issues.  She collected penguins - every kind of penguin imaginable.  She rode motorcycles and I used to tell her that being in the car with her was like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at Disney.  We laughed so hard so many times and once coffee came out of her nose.  When I was having a bad day at work, she would show up and take me to lunch.  I held her hand and let her talk about her crazy days.  I worried every time I heard that there was a shooting in her district.  I took her to Gay Pride Day at Disney and kept introducing her to women I had started talking to so that she would meet someone nice.  She interrogated every boyfriend I had to be sure that they would be right for me.  She was my constant through some of the hardest years of my life.

I was supposed to perform the wedding for her and her partner that spring and instead, I performed her funeral.  I went into the house after the police were gone and the cleaners were just leaving - only about 12 hours after she died.  I was so upset because I could not smell her over the cleaning fluid that they had used to get the blood out.  Even 2 years after she died when I would visit the house, it still smelled like that awful cleaning fluid.  Shannon in the heat of an argument with her partner put a gun to her own head and pulled the trigger.  I stared at the bullet hole in the wall and wondered what the fuck it all meant.  I scrubbed at some spots that the cleaners had missed.  I adjusted the Christmas tree that was turned over from the paramedics getting a stretcher in the door and saw the presents with my name and Zach's names on them.  I picked her clothes out.  I dug out her dress uniform to hang next to the closed casket.  I brought all the personal effects to the funeral home.  I sat with her mother and held her hand as she sobbed hysterically - Shannon's father had died ten years earlier and her sister had left home as a teenager so Shannon was all she had left.  I made sure noone took too much valium.  I stood in front of 200 people and read a eulogy and 2 weeks later performed a smaller more personal funeral after the cremation.  I greeted the neverending line of police officers, some who I knew and so many I did not - they all came for Shannon.  She had been a member of the police force for over 18 years.  I kept it together until Mike came - he had been the only partner in the force that Shannon had.  We stared at each other and he started crying and kept whispering "Why?"  I kept saying, "I don't know, I just don't know" and I didn't.  I didn't know - I didn't understand and I still don't.  There is still a hole in my life that is Shannon sized.

So this is dedicated to you, Shannon.  I miss you almost every day.  I am so sad that you are not here.  I am so sorry that I was not there that night.  I am still a little pissed and when we catch back up one day, you get a kick in the shins and the biggest hug in the world.

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